I Hear Taps...

If anyone wants us to continue this thing, drop a comment. If not, I think we can pronounce it dead.

I'm Still Hungover

Stealing a page from The Bowl, I'm still hungover. How is that even possible!? It's quarter of 8 on Saturday night. I tell you, knowing the bartender is both a blessing and a curse. Ugh.

New Year's Eve: Firecrackers and Phone Sex

I'm gonna be straight up honest with you...New Year's Eve '05 - '06 didn't seem all that special. To the Double One Tweezy and crew, kinda just felt like another Friday or Saturday night. Nothing really all that special happened. Although, our boy, Ian, had a party in his pretty sick pad in Northeast DC. Street Cred. Sorta. But anyways, we all hopped in a cab and cruised over where Ian had pretty much a full bar in his kitchen and the fridge stocked with beers. He was of course, already blotto, but that's what makes NYE so bangin'. What's also bangin' is when Ian wets himself, but that's for a whole 'nother blog.
For Double One Tweezy standards, the night was pretty mellow. The only couple of highlights would have to be when my dumbass, hopped up on almost an entire bottle of champagne to the dome, and numerous beers of course, found a firework. Right. Awesome. So I find this firework and find a beer bottle to set it off from. Here's the kicker - I can't find a lighter. I proceed to ask the owner of the house, Ian, who says, "Hey! I don't have a lighter! But I DO have a gas stove!" This is starting to sound like an After School Special right about now...
So Ian grabs a paper towel, rolls it up, and lights the firework for me right in the middle of the house. I'm standing there holding it like a 5 year old who just got free ice cream and a couple seconds after Ian lights it, he yells, "NOW RUN OUTSIDE!!" I'm all like, "WHAT?!?!" and then BOOM!. That hot little firework ripped around Ian's living room and exploded in the corner. Best part is, I don't think any of the drunk asses in the party even noticed anything.
So it's only about 12:30am or 1am when we decide to kick it to the bars, with Dumperson in drunk tow.. Now, I don't really have much to say about what happened at the bars, because:
A. I was so drunk that I got a beer, and stood in the corner by myself FIGHTING to keep my eyes open.
and B. Dumperson went off to find some fine female co-worker of his that he was tryin' to game on.
To make a long story short, we walked in, I posted up by the bar, and McDumperson scooted off by himself on a mission. It was great, because every now and then, I would see him shuffle by my field of view like Terminator on an Ass Mission. The most hilarious part of the night didn't come until we were telling stories a day or two later at work. Apparently, the Ass Mission failed because McDumpy had texted the chick earlier in the night: "I miss you so bad right now, I wanna taste you.". Or something along those hilarious lines... Needless to say, I think work was slightly awkward for our Dumperoo on Monday, or Tuesday.....or whatever day we went back. I don't really remember.

Charlie Brown is GAY!?!?

Dude...so as SPR mentioned, I went to NYC over Xmas break at Diggity's beckoning. Flew home Thurs night and then took the train into Grand Central for a night to chill...wait, who am I kidding, we didn't "chill" in NYC with. Higgins got me tickets to see a play with him. Ok, now before you say, "oh hey guys! good to see you discovered your undying man love for eachother and decided to hold hands on the way to a play!", you need to hear about this play. It was called "Dog See's God". WOW...most messed up play I've ever seen. Basically, it had Finch-F*cker from American Pie fame in it, along with Eliza Dushku and the dude from LOST and Rules of Attraction: Ian Somerhalder....I guess...
Anyways, to make a long story short, Finch is Charlie Brown and ends up being gay and making out with Beethoven (the Peanuts dude who used to play piano freakin' constantly), Eliza Dushku is Lucy and she ends up in a Looney Bin with "The Doctor Is In" scrawled across the wall in what looked like blood, the dude from LOST is Pig Pen and is now a thug and beats the crap out of Beethoven all the time and Linus is now a pot smoking, dread-locked hippie who burned his blanket and smoked the ashes as a "good-bye" to the blanket.
I don't care if that ruined it for anybody (plus, you're not going to NYC to see it anytime soon, but either way) - it can't be ruined...our jaws were on the floor the whole time, it doesn't sound that bad - especially with our clean senses of humor, but I think that when you see Finch making out with dudes right in front of you...you want to ask him...."why?" Oh, and there were two other girls, I don't know who they were, but they wore mini-skirts so short the entire time that you could see their panties. Oh, and they had a threesome with PigPen.

After Higgins and I came to, we proceeded to the bars where we played buckhunter, took shots, and met the most drunk girl I've ever seen. Higgins's friend. Heard stuff out of that girl's mouth that I didn't think existed. We then went and tracked down food at about 4am and then strolled home to eat and pass out at about 5am. Typical NYC visit.

Two Month Update

So yeah, I bet everyone thought that the Double One Tweezy blog was dead, didn't you? Well it's not. I'm going to bring it back even if I have to do it on my own! I figured that everyone needs a quick update since that last post (which worked like a freaking charm I might add!). Here goes:

We've been out to some bars. Beers and GM were consumed. Sometimes in large quantities. We met some crazy chicks at the local sports pub. They were crazy. Really crazy.

Football has been watched. The Skins are in the playoffs for the first time since '99! So are the Patriots (couldn't have seen that one coming, but still congrats to Ribby). So are the Giants (a luke-warm congrats to Higgy, since his team is an NFC East foe). The Broncos are in (big ups to Salty!). Sorry McDumperson, but that's what you get when you're a Browns fan.

Congrats to the newly crowned NCAA champions: the Texas Longhorns. Amazing football game last night! Glad to see they defeated the "undefeatable Trojans."

Thanksgiving happened. The entire Double One Tweezy flew home on the same flight before Thanksgiving. Bowl and Ribby sat next to each other and whispered sweet nothings into each others' ears the whole way home. I mocked them to the women sitting next to me.

Thanks Moms for yet another incredible meal. Thanks Mel for pretending my family is normal. I think they bought it.

And Christmas happened. The Double One Tweezy left DC at different times and returned at different times. I played A LOT of foosball while home. And in doing so, I scratched a competitive itch I've had for the past few months by beating the ever-living snot out of everyone my teammate Jessica and I played. Bowl and Ribby each made appearances in NYC. I'll let them tell you about that if they want to (so that means you'll never hear about Bowl's trip because he never posts anything...ever).

Going forward. Well this weekend is Bowl's birthday. Stayed tuned because as of now we don't have any solid plans on how we will be celebrating the birth (creation? manufacturing? assembly?) of our own personal super-computer. Bowl will be the last of the three Double One Tweezy inhabitants to reach a quarter century, yet he will do so with the least amount of hair (which is saying quite a bit considering the apparent follicle genocide that's taking place on my dome!). Ahh, irony.

We're also thinking about instituting some sort of weekly or bi-weekly poker night, so as to become as stereotypically mid-20's as we possibly can.

Anyway, as I said above, I'm going to make an effort to keep this damn thing as up to date as possible. We'll see how that goes.

P.S. A quick shout out to the the three brown dudes Down Under: Keep it real and keep your hands, feet, tongues, and private parts away from the wildlife.

Gay Homosexuals

***Read the post below this one first***

I think a lot of homosexual's are gay. Gay homosexuals are super gay. They're so homosexually gay that it becomes apparent that they are more than just gay or homosexual, they're above that.

Now, I really don't have a problem with gay homosexuals, it's just that I'm not a gay homosexual and I get a little annoyed when gays or homosexuals or gay homosexuals hit on me. For the record, gay homosexuals really don't hit on me all that often, so I'm really not trying to make it sound like I have some gay homosexual magnetic pull. I'm just saying that on the rare occasion that a gay homosexual hits on me, it's a little awkward because I am neither gay nor homosexual.

And I think I'm right about being a little offended when gay homosexuals approach me, for the same reason I don't like being approached by ugly women or clowns: they just don't do it for me. I mean, a woman who is approached by a guy who she doesn't find attractive may get annoyed that he's bothering her. It's the samesituation with me and gay homosexuals.

In summation, I don't have a problem with gays or homosexuals or gay homosexuals. I just don't like it when gay homosexuals hit on me. And it's because I'm not attracted to them, not because I'm judging their gay homosexual lifestyle.

So chill out all you gay homosexuals out there, I'm not trying to be mean. I just think you should stop wasting your time on me and go find another gay homosexual to be with.

We've Been Slackin' on Our Postin'

So yeah, we've definitely been slacking on putting new posts up on the Double One Tweezy blog. I checked and we only have one up and it's the middle of the month. I guess we'll have to do some fun shit so we can post about it.

(As an aside, I would like to point out that WTF!?!?!? has posted exactly 2 times since we started this blog in August. That's disgusting.)

I've also noticed that the fine folks at Google Advertising seem to have a program that scans a blog for key words and then posts ads on the blog that reflect those key words. That's smart marketing. However, it makes me want to do a little experiment. That experiment is the post directly above this one.

Bowl Is Fat...And So Am I

Bowl and I went to a house party last night. It's actually the second weekend in a row that I've been to a house party. I forgot how much I missed free beer and college. OK, so I didn't forget how much I love free beer and college, but I did forget how much fun you can have getting beer all over someone elses floor, for free.

A tip of the hat to Rockstar is in order for passing along the e-vite to our mutual friend Ian's party. It was nice to see Boca again. Boca is single once again, and he's definitely on the prowl. Kapil and his GF joined us as well.

Ian just moved into a new place up in the Columbia Heights section of DC and we all walked from Rockstar's place in Adams Morgan over to Ian's place. Much street cred was gained on the way since we had to walk through some pro-jects to get to the party. I think we almost saw a couple drive-bys and I know we saw several crack deals go down. OK, I made that part up, but the neightborhood isn't the best.

Ian's place is pretty sweet and I have to say that they did a nice job refurbishing it. I also have to say that I was very impressed with the presence of two kegs and by the friendly party goers. Among other things, Bowl and I convinced some nice girls that "it's only gay if you push back" and that I have one of the most beautiful vaginas God has ever created. They seemed to buy it.

Several games of flip-cup ensued. Bowl and I represented Double One Tweezy style and our team went a combined 9-1 for the night. Then, assisted by one of the aforementioned ladies, I beat the snot out of Boca and another young lady at foosball. My teammate actually scored one goal with our goalie. Boca wept. It got weird. Quickly.

The night ended with Bowl and I staggering back to the top of 18th and Columbia just as all of the bars let out. We decided to stop by Mickey D's for some late-night quarter pounders. As I walked over to the nearest ATM (to get cab fare), Bowl informed me that he was going to walk down to get some empinadas. I reminded him that we had just stuffed our faces. He then looked at me for a long minute, contemplating what I had just told him, and said, "No, you're absolutely right" and we got into a cab.

Now, there's nothing really special about this story other than the fact that Bowl really wanted quarter pounders and empinadas. That makes him fat.

Halloween 2005

Word.

Awesomest Post EVER!!!

OK, that title is an absolute, unabashed lie.

The past couple weeks have featured all three of the Double One Tweezy residents working horrendous hours. Last weekend was thoroughly uneventful. A trip down to CCR (joined by Dumpy McBurns and one of his boys from OH-IO) was the highlight of the weekend. On a side note, Dumpy McBurns and Bowl went out for "a few drinks" Friday night and Bowl apparently got tore up. I was such a pussy that I was actually asleep before Bowl got home. God I suck.

This weekend promises to be slightly more interesting, what with Halloween and all. Saturday night the Double One Tweezy crew, Dumpy McBurns, Steakums and her A$ian better half, and Rockstar and Mrs. Rockstar, are all cordially invited to a Halloween party at my friend GG's place in The Morgan. They have already ordered 2 kegs, someone else is making Trash Can Punch, and it's all free. The only catch is that you have to have a costume if you want to come. All who do not wear costumes will be turned away.

The Double One Tweezy has decided on a group costume. While I won't reveal it here and now, you all can rest assured knowing that pictures will be all over The Double One Tweezy Blog by Sunday afternoon.

One more day of shitty-hell-shit work, and it's the weekend.